science of happiness
What makes people happy? What makes you happy? Here are six areas to consider:
Play
When is the last time you played? Play is on the decline as other things complete for our (divided) attention. Play is important for a host of reasons; social (think boundaries, safety, respect and competition), learning (who are you, language) and well-being (key determinant of happiness). Jean Piaget once wrote, “Play is the answer to the question: how does anything new come about?” So I’ll ask again… when’s the last time you played?
According to the National Institute for Play , there are seven patterns of play: attunement , body , object, social, imaginative + pretend, storytelling-narrative and creative play. You can learn more about those here
The video below gives a great overview of play and why we need it in our lives.
Connection
Connecting has always been important but it has been the focus of most conversations in the last year. Time will tell what the long-term effects of isolation and being torn from our social circles will be, but some research is suggesting the closer ties you had going into the pandemic, the better you will come out it.
Since we are wired to connect and we thrive with each other…why does everything seem more and more polarized and divided? Perhaps we have forgotten who we are:
So what can I do?
Make time for your friends every day. They are an important piece of the happiness puzzle.
Who is in your circle ?
Learn to really listen
Work on your relationships. Contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness ruin relationships. Playfulness, appreciation, forgiveness and being open helps.
Work on becoming aware of your privilege and prejudices- it’s stressful and limits your happiness potential. Commit to being anti-racist
Compassion
According to the Greater Good Science Centre :
Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.
It’s that pull to act.
When my daughter was born we were lucky enough to participate in the Roots of Empathy program, where we got to be a small part in developing empathy in children in our community.
How can I live a more compassionate life?
Complete Random Acts of Kindness. Some guidelines:
try picking a random day of the week where you feel you can perform your acts of kindness
don’t do the same things over and over again because repetitive behaviour loses some of its charm
keep a journal of what you did, for whom and how it made you feel
reflect on your feelings when you can use a boost
do it all over again.
Doing something for strangers, hearing about others performing kindness for others or seeing kind gestures has a long term impact on your well-being.
Prioritize what matters.
Stop the business of busyness. People who feel busy are less likely to help others
Limit your use of video gaming
Don’t turn off your compassion
Cooperation
People fight. Conflict happens. How you handle the conflict dictates the quality of your relationships.
I have been lucky enough to be trained in Crucial Conversations , twice. And each time I was surprised by the stories I make up in conflict. Managing that has been revolutionary for me and my relationships.
There are a few basic yet difficult things you can do to increase cooperation:
Habits
I don’t think we pay close enough attention to how we spend our days. People talk about how busy they are and how they can’t get to the things they want to be doing. But if you really paid attention to how you spend your day I guarantee you could find more time and thus more meaning.
What do you wish you were doing more of? What do you wish you could get rid of? Write that down, What do you really want?
Find one thing a week for the next year to ADD to your life. Commit to finding even 5 minutes a day on this. Prioritize that above anything else. See how it changes your life.
Follow my habit journey and help keep me accountable.
Enjoy this Ted Talk from the Author of the Power of Habit
We make choices, big and small everyday. Will I speak up or let it go? Will I eat the lunch I brought or buy take out? Will I go straight to the gym after work or head home? Will I hit the snooze button or just get up when the alarm rings?
The moment you choose one over the other you are setting yourself up on a path in one direction or another. Closer to or further from your goal.
Some of my favourite books on Habits are:
The Power of Habit
Gratitude
Gratitude is essential for happiness. Nurturing your gratitude is one important way to build your happiness.
Learn to savour the small things
Make it a habit to write in your gratitude journal. According to the How of Happiness limit this to a few times a week. Daily gratitude journaling has not been proven to be effective.
Remember that gratitude is a choice.
For a deeper look at gratitude, click here